Dear Abby: This obituary still bothers me a year later.
ABBY: DEAR ABBY: I’m writing in response to my husband’s death notice.
He passed away unexpectedly a year ago. I rushed it because of my astonishment, worry, and the need to have his obituary in the newspaper before the weekend.
I had never before written an obituary. My wonderful sister-in-law assisted me, and we finished it around 4 a.m.
Since then, I’ve been dissatisfied and uneasy with it. It wasn’t comprehensive, personal, or loving. I’ve always wanted to remake it because it was “simply the facts.” I also mentioned a few items that I regret.
What are your opinions on my revising and re-submitting a fresh version of his obituary to the local newspaper?
REDO, DEAR: Please accept my condolences on your loss. Make a phone call to the newspaper and ask them that question. Long after the deceased has been buried, I’ve seen “In Memoriam” pieces published. It wouldn’t harm to ask if it would make you feel better.
ABBY: DEAR ABBY: For the past 18 years, I’ve been the stepfather to two daughters. They are now 22 and 24 years old.
They were adopted at birth by my wife and her ex-husband. He had an affair when they were two and four years old and left them for a lady with two children.
Why do these two girls see him as their father when it has always been I who has been there for them?
They have never showed me any respect, but they admire and revere the man who adopted them and then abandoned them and their mother for another family.
FRUSTRATED AND HURT
HURT, DEAR: My sympathies are with you. This might be because their mother never told them that the man who abandoned them failed to fulfil the father role he promised, and that the man who raised them — you — is their father.
She also neglected to urge that you be treated with the dignity you deserved. If there is any guilt to be assigned, it is to her, not to them.
ABBY: DEAR ABBY: My sister’s employment necessitates her giving speeches to business groups. I advised her that the right term is “regardless” after she used the word “irregardless” in a chat with me. I didn’t want her to make a fool of herself in a professional situation.
When we were conversing the other day, she used the word “irregardless” once more. Should I correct her one again, or should I let it go? The fact that I have asked her to stop continuously correcting me, despite the fact that her criticisms rarely concern grammar or word usage, complicates the problem.
IN FLORIDA, I’M UNCERTAINDEAR UNCERTAIN: You once informed your sister that the word she was using was inappropriate. Given your past with her, if you do it again, she may perceive it as an attempt to outdo her and dislike it. (No good deed goes unpunished in situations like these.)